Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
