Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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