I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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