I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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