dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you have to choose: penises or morals?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
