so that wasnt chicken after all
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
