his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
