note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
