I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
