you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
