I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she peed on how many people?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
