im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
