Just fell off a train. Bad.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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