1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize