i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We are two peas in an std pod
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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