I'm so fucking centered right now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
