she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
