I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
