Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize