your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
