Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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