I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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