a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
