Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
