You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
