WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize