I didn't shave. On purpose
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
