it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
