My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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