the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
