I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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