im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?