I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top