are you still at the devil's house?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?