My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten