Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow