yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
