connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize