went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
