I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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