You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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