If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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