Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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