im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
