Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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