Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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