mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
