have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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