I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
