You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So much rum. So many feels.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
