We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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