I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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