There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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