Screwed.edu
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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