M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
