Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
