this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize