things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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