can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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