Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
