Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
