I hate all girls vehemently.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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